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My weight. This is an issue no girl likes to talk about. This is an issue almost every girl deals with. My weight will always be a big issue to me, because it is the biggest issue with my family.
I don’t get heartfelt one on one talks with my sister. I can’t get heartfelt one on one talks with my mom (since it’s so hard to speak Viet/English). I never felt like my weight was a big issue. I’m not small, and I know I’ve gotten bigger. BIG DEAL, SO WHAT. I’ve been trying to start exercising, but it’s not like it’s easy. You get started, you feel out of breath, you feel ugly, you feel bad, you quit. It’s not easy for me, and I don’t want to just “lose” weight this time around. I want to tone up, I want to get fit.
The first thing my sister said to me today after a month was, “Julie, you need to lose weight.” No, ‘hey, how have you been?; how’s gary?; what have you been up too?’ nothing. Bluntly as it comes. I know I’ve gained weight, but it’s not like it’s a bad thing. I lost weight before but that was because I was sad, depressed, and going through a break-up, much like what my sister is going through now. I’m sorry you’re depressed, I’m sorry you’ve got so much on your plate. I’m sorry that you need to go out and party and leave your daughter behind. All of those problems, are not mine to deal with. Your daughter is not for me to take care of. I’m sorry that it was so easy for you to stop going out eating because you’re no longer with him. But, just because you were able to lose the weight in a certain amount of time, doesn’t mean I will be able to do the same. You act like all that matters is the number on the scale. What you don’t understand about me is my compassion. I feel pain for you. I feel saddened by what has happened to you. I’ve taken you in when you were at your lowest and you still called me a baby and that I didn’t know any better. What you and the rest of the family need to understand is that, although I am not financially stable. I am happily stable more than any of you guys will ever be. I’m not even at my prime yet. You guys are all over 30 and wilting as time passes.
I don’t understand how you guys could even be called my family. You guys don’t care about my happiness. You guys only care about the money, and the picture. I’m not like any of you guys. I do what makes me happy. I wish to be stable enough before having kids. Before getting married. Before anything. I’d rather travel with a boyfriend, than stuck with a husband and kids. Don’t get me wrong, I would love to settle; but only when the time is right.
You look at me as if I’m a child, as if I don’t know how to live my life. I’m not here to lose weight like you want me too. I’m here to gain muscle and more control of all the things in my life. I may still be young, but at least I’m happy. Young, wild, and free. All the things you’re not.
ak47:
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(Source: es-la-blanca, via ahwanggg)
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for drunk burfday boy to come home so I can take care of him. No sleep tonight!
Friday (05/04):
- work
- Aadrian’s student’s tennis match @ 7PM
- start on SCLT Final Exam Review
Saturday (05/05):
- work
- CHNS Final Essay
- Niece’s birthday @ 6PM
Sunday (05/06):
- study PIANO
- finish SCLT Final Exam Review
- tennis??
Monday (05/07):
- study PIANO
- @superGC birthday (: 21st! <3 <3 <3
Tuesday (05/08):
- Amerejuve @ 10:45 AM
- PIANO Private Lesson @ 3PM
- CHNS Final Exam Essay
Wednesday (05/09):
- work
- study PIANO
- SCLT Final Exam
Thursday (05/10):
- PIANO Exam 2-5PM
Friday (05/11):
- work
Saturday (05/12):
- work
Tuesday (05/15):
- Boston! (:
I wish I had the ability to open something fantastic. Something I can call my own. Something that helps this world. Something that changes the way people see things. I wish people would just give mad respect y’know?
I really want to open up a cat facility for all these poor cats left outside this neighborhood. I really want to care and give to almost anything/anyone who needs it. Every time I think that I’m doing something good, it always ends up getting shut down. I haven’t volunteered in like over 2 weeks and I can’t help but think what about all these poor kitties? I want a real legit place that is all for cats to run around and play and have fun. Everyone needs a friend. Everyone needs a buddy.
Today is going to be my first day back into playing tennis and working out. People always post like sexy ass pictures of half naked girls on my tumblr, and I swear it’s like soft porn as I scroll down my screen. I feel like it’s so hard for girls. Not all girls can look like that, and every time I see those pictures I’m just like, that’s not even real. I mean I did mention that I am gonna start playing tennis and working out and blah blah blah and I don’t wanna sound like a hypocrite, but I think this world is just too tough on girls. (But I do want to get back in shape bleh.)
So this year is the ‘lucky’ year of the dragon, but I swear there’s nothing lucky about this year. Matter of fact, I think it has been the worst year by far! I mean, nothing bad has happened to me, but all these people around me are suffering. So many people are feeling grief and loneliness and it’s slowly getting to me. I hate the fact that so many people have left us. It’s a weird place to be in right now. When I went to my friend’s dad’s visitation this weekend, I just couldn’t help but feel this burden on my chest. Nothing is right. Everything is wrong. But there was nothing I could do about it.
LAWL
ROFL <3
(via g0b4nanas)
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Omg …
(Source: devilsinterval, via maddietran)
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Three and a half more weeks til my mini vacay! (: EXCITED!
Four more days til my two year anniversary with poopie (: EVEN MORE EXCITED! <3